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"A Working List of Things I Will Never Tell You"
Jon Sands

When I said I wasn’t with another girl
the January after we fell in love for the 3rd time,
it’s because it wasn’t actual sex.

In the February that began our radio silence,
it was actual sex. I hate the tight shirts
that go below your waistline.

Not only do they make you look too young,
but then your torso is a giraffe’s neck attached to tiny legs.
I screamed at myself in the subway

for writing poems about you still.
I made a scene. I think about you almost
each morning, and roughly every five days, I still

believe you’re there.
I still masturbate to you.
When we got really bad,

I would put another coat of mop water on the floor of the bar
to make sure you were asleep when I got to my side of the bed.
You are the only person to whom I’ve lied, knowing

I was telling the truth. I miss the way your neck
wraps around my face like a cave we are both lost in.
I remember when you said being with me

is like being alone with company.
My friend Sarah wrote a poem about pink ponies.
I’m scared you’re my pink pony.

Hers is dead. It is really sad. You’re not dead.
You live in Ohio, or Washington, or Wherever.
You are a shadow my body leaves on other girls.

I have a growing queue of things I know
will make you laugh and I don’t know where to put them.
I mourn like you’re dead. If you had asked me to stay,

I would not have said no.
It would never mean yes.

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Comments

( 35 comments — Leave a comment )
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clzair
Nov. 19th, 2009 05:00 am (UTC)
wow, this poem made me incredibly sad at the end.
backtograce
Nov. 19th, 2009 05:11 am (UTC)
:(
sarisynn
Nov. 19th, 2009 05:32 am (UTC)
I'm kind of stunned by the relevancy of this poem to my life right now. (Relevancy's a word, right? I guess it is now.) As I started reading I was just thinking "Oh, well, it's a break-up poem. A well-worded break-up poem, but a break-up poem nonetheless."

And then this line "You live in Ohio, or Washington, or Wherever." I just broke up with my boyfriend and moved to Ohio. From Washington.

This poem kind of gives me the shivers. I love/hate when things hit so close to home.
jeweledhibiscus
Nov. 19th, 2009 06:17 am (UTC)
"relevancy" is totally a word :)
(no subject) - kimmehcat - Nov. 19th, 2009 06:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
gethenian
Nov. 19th, 2009 05:34 am (UTC)
You are a shadow my body leaves on other girls.


That is one of those magical, astounding lines that could be a poem in and of itself.
famousdeaths
Nov. 19th, 2009 06:11 am (UTC)
Yep. That line gave me chills.
(no subject) - conqueror49worm - Nov. 19th, 2009 03:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - 367thday - Nov. 19th, 2009 05:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
leejean
Nov. 19th, 2009 05:50 am (UTC)
It's stunning
lumiere_bleue
Nov. 19th, 2009 05:50 am (UTC)
Wow.
kaberett
Nov. 19th, 2009 11:35 am (UTC)
Hmm. I first read this as talking about a lesbian relationship, and I think I liked it better that way; not just because there is insufficient queer poetry in my life (my fault, I know!) but also because I seem to find his use of the word "girl" quite creepy (no, she is in ADULT, and *particularly* if you're complaining about her "looking too young"... though yes, I know this would apply more-or-less equally if it were a woman doing it).

In any case, yes, it is breath-taking. Thank you for sharing.
foletry
Nov. 22nd, 2011 05:43 pm (UTC)
yes!
tulips_and_lace
Nov. 19th, 2009 12:19 pm (UTC)
I feel like I've read this before, but I don't think I have. It's weird. The title, and the shadow line...seem so familiar. Oh well. It's lovely anyways.
yuvia
Nov. 19th, 2009 01:06 pm (UTC)
I love it. Like one of those imperfect but complete and beautiful at time things you find sometimes and... just make you feel...you love them.
I LOVE it.
chaosbydesign
Nov. 19th, 2009 01:37 pm (UTC)
i can relate to certain lines in this poem... and not others. The ones I can relate to, though, are painfully relevant.

wow.
cutepinkkitty
Nov. 19th, 2009 01:58 pm (UTC)
This hit too close to home. Ouch.
buymeaclue
Nov. 19th, 2009 03:33 pm (UTC)
This. Ow. (Thank you.)
finishingschool
Nov. 19th, 2009 02:35 pm (UTC)
I just broke up with my boyfriend, too, and this made me so sad.

:(
amnotcute
Nov. 19th, 2009 03:35 pm (UTC)
Oh wow. This is amazing. Thank you.
makemeapologise
Nov. 19th, 2009 06:11 pm (UTC)
like everyone else, this was amazing. speaks right to the heart.
kimmehcat
Nov. 19th, 2009 07:01 pm (UTC)

I have a growing queue of things I know
will make you laugh and I don’t know where to put them.


That I can relate to.
klaen
Nov. 19th, 2009 10:31 pm (UTC)
I read this poem a few weeks ago for the first time and this wasn't what I related to; now it is. I feel you, for certain.
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( 35 comments — Leave a comment )

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